Pondering

My title for this entry was suppose to be misery and how miserable i am for studying so damn hard, forcing myself to remember everything i learnt, enduring the stress of waking up and doing nothing else but study and even reciting whatever i've learnt before i sleep and even in my dreams.

But this person, someone close to my heart is experiencing something so much worst. I just want this person to know that this person means alot to me and might not even know it. This person has helped me through my secondary school days and being there for me, putting up with all my nonsense and ordeals i have encountered in school and now that this person is suffering inside, i cant provide much of an help. I just hope everything will tone down in time to come and you can be back to your jolly self & see you genuinely smile for me again!

Cheesy but true.

Apart from this, I went to church this afternoon with my mum and one question posed by the pastor strucked me. "Why do we have to die?" I couldnt find an answer to that question and i admit that i'm actually very scared to die.

I always fear dying early because i assume that death should only take place when we're old and sick not because of starvation, a mishap, an accident or other sufferings when we're young. I always tell myself that i must make the best out of everything in my life and do what i wanna do and as planned and not regret the life i had when i'm about to leave this world.

I want to be remembered of someone who made an impact on people who know me. Not just solely on what i did but the kind of person i was to them. Can you imagine leaving this world and people not being able to remember you as what kind of person you were and no one can think of what to say abt you in their eulogy? or worst remembered you as a mean person? You will just be that faint memory when you depart from mother Earth.

I always want to bring light to other's life, through smiling and just being cheery everyday. Why? Because life is short, why do we wanna spend so much time on our lives going through so much pain and enduring so much sadness? Why not just try to move on or learn from that fall and live life with optimism instead of spending that much time on mourning and greiving, why not do something more useful to make your life more accomplished?

Another thing that scares me is that "life" wouldnt be the same when we're in heaven. I always wondered if life on earth and life in heaven would be the same? Would we be able to enjoy the luxury? Indulge in good food? Go shopping? Go to a beach? Go to a amusement park? I really dont know and it really scares me that heaven, (according to what i think and many children and others think)is a place whereby everyone is dressed in white and we're all just up there looking down and observing everyone. Isnt that scary?

As the song goes, Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and praise.

I remember asking someone, i cant rmb who, what heaven is like is it that wonderful? And that someone told me that heaven is just like Earth. We can eat/shop/swim/jog/have fun just like on Earth. But thats doubtful. Who will ever know what heaven actually is like unless they've been there and seen it themselves.

I guess i'll never know how Heaven is like until i leave this world someday..

Why am i so deep in thought and sounding so philosophical? I really dont know. I guess i just want to tell that someone that life really is so short and think about all the years you've had and all the happiness or you've encountered and maybe just maybe, this will make you live the life you had before all the problems you're facing now, surfaced.